I have both an appreciation & aversion for contaminated moments. While certain images can be turned into art using alterations, others can be turned into fiction. A heavy fog quickly blocks our vision from what is right in front of our beautiful view.

photograph -noun: a moment frozen in time, an image recorded and reproduced.

i have a fear of losing memories through the cracks. a memory here, a memory there, just slipping away like it never existed. ive always feared that… that is why i write most everything down. since ’93, ive documented a lot of my life. not all in events, experiences or actions that were taken, but sometimes how i was feeling at a particular moment, a coincidence that sparked a note, a lyric that struck a chord or the way the sky looked in contrast to the clouds that sparked an emotion… there is more behind pretty pictures & keen words

i find that documenting my life not only in words but in stills is something i will look back at & appreciate more than i will ever know. but memories that resurrect from daily accounts, can never be displayed with pen & ink. things that bring me back in time in an instant are things so simple… the smell of camp when i walk in for the first time, crisp autumn days & the colors that accompany it, the personality of a lake in the early morning & late at night… and stone walls. … i grew up with a 4 ft tall stone wall that framed the entire front of my childhood home. it played a significant role in my daily adventures & far exceeded the expectations of a 6 year old. the possibilities were endless, it was my outside cardboard box. i recently found myself walking along a rock wall while on a walk with bear. it was about 5 feet tall & as i looked down, i was almost immediately brought back to 14 eureka rd. the entire site was identical, my mind was sifting through memories & got lost in 1989 for a moment. that cannot be repeated, nor done justice to the extent it deserves when scribed in stone….. and i appreciate that. i look forward to the future instances where i find myself in the same beautiful vortex, & anxiously await the new experiences that will contribute to the already growing memory pool.

where we are,doesnt freak me out per-say, but there are so many people who don’t sit in the same boat as me. Those people are the ants being burned by the magnifying glass, while im looking square in the eyes of the little 8-year-old holding it. Just like ants go about their daily lives & purpose without hesitation, does not mean there isn’t something bigger  around them. So why are we so pompous & selfish to think the same about us? There is a bigger picture that so many choose not to look at, let alone give it a chance to exist. Maybe that works, maybe they go through life without a single experience that makes them believe otherwise. But no need to be ignorant? Be educated, wonder, ask questions, look up, get lost in bewilderment, DREAM… it seems that the majority of faces around me, have lost that. It is a classic representation of Peter Pan… we forget that our imagination is a beautiful thing… and if we forget form, we forget function. So I hope that there is still at least a sliver of belief in all of you that there is much more to this place then your morning smoothie & that cubical you’re confined to.

enlighten yourself…. don’t be such a square…. believe

with that being said, im back, full force. so for all those who have waited patiently, thank you, and welcome back.

today marks the 3rd week in a row that i have been having this particular recurring dream. 3 weeks… thats a record for me. i have had repetitive dreams my entire life, never for 3 weeks in a row. call it a glitch in the matrix, call it a sign call it whatever, but please call a dream expert. i am going crazy. so here it is

i am in a hotel, its grandiose, and its mine. it has history & a notable personality. the amount of rooms is unknown but i know they are all different in their own unique way. some have cathedral ceilings & multiple levels… some are simple & tranquil. a homey & welcoming abode, but there is something about this place. something else, something mystical.

a giant fireplace sits in the middle of the lobby, keeping everyone company in the company of others. it is not a typical fireplace. it does not sit beneath a mantel & it is not tucked away in a cozy corner. it is the center of it all. a massive tower that reaches up to the beams above. a natural gravitation, like a moth is to a flame. this is the only concrete image that lingers on my mind when i wake. but i can feel all the rest. a feeling that yields imagery in my mind yet leaves impressions in my senses. 

i am not alone here. i hold the company of others that are close to me. not many. just a few. we rarely talk, but are always acknowledged. a smile, a nod.. a comfort in knowing their presence is present, without the  constant engagement… and that is it

dreams keep me scratching my head like a mosquito is stuck in there. i dont waste much time on analysis, or interpretation. i dont immediately dive into finding out if there is method to this madness. but i do wonder. three weeks of haunting familiarity . like i’m screaming amongst a sea of faces with no turned heads. lack of cognition, lack of knowing. rhyme without rhythm.

             i love when an image that has yet to be taken, flies into the right side of my brain. it looks so perfect, so crisp, so real. yet it is only a figment of my imagination. i must put my brush to canvas and create this masterpiece. its funny… i dont get these flashes of inspiration often, so when they do arrive, they dont plan on leaving until i execute. a constant reminder that artist must hone her skills. 

i had it all set up, upstairs.. to the point of counting sheep. i envisioned the light, the look, the feel.. all of it. images were then painted. the scene in front of my face came to life. a scene i had never seen with my own eyes, and yet it was all too familiar. my camera boldly took charge. everything that had nourished my drive had suddenly returned to fill my wavering mind. unconscious thinking & motions bring color from my black & white palette. proof that the artist still lives within

so ive been meaning to write this blog for awhile, but you know how it goes… 

how often do you find yourself seeking some type of information, ie: phone number, restaurant address, why is the sky blue, etc etc. well i find myself doing it all the time. about a million times a day. well maybe not a million. but a lot. and by doing this, i resort to usually one source. that wonderful multi-colored word on that empty white page that is so simple yet can amazingly make you smile every time. google. sometimes its the same old font & size and colors but on occasion you get a special google. like google spelled out with just lucky charm marshmallows or a jungle scene with crazy monkeys and bananas. it gets a little intense, but it always makes you go, “oooo.” so thats one effect that google has on me and i know that goes for about 90% of you reading this.

the other wonderful habit i have formed is using the phrase “google it”,  like its my job. it has absolutely become a standard in our vocabulary. more and more movies & tv shows are integrating it into scripts & hearing it from the soccer mom in the grocery store isn’t far off either. “timmy was bit by a squirrel? i dont know what to do, GOOGLE IT!”  its inevitable that until something bigger & better comes along (which it will), you can definitely count on “google it” sticking around. i would even bet that the slogan will become an option in some game show ‘wild card’ choice bin. would you like to A) call a friend (who will google it)      B) ask the audience (who will cell phone google it)   or C) google it

im sure other search engines wish they were basking in the google sun but instead they are sitting around a fire in the middle of siberia. or i suppose i could have just related it to mac vs. pc. there just isn’t any competition. why do you think the ‘finder’ icon is a smiley face, because it’s so thankful that steve jobs found it instead of bill gates.

google it

why do we throw out all possibility of defeat upon ourselves, when we witness it all around us? walls are put up for a reason, to protect. whether building a home, a prison cell, or a relationship, walls serve as a means of protection. and they have for centuries. but the problem with walls is, that they can be knocked down. no matter how strong or promising, we put ourselves on the doorstep of vulnerability… and we don’t ever seem to learn our lesson. people never change, instincts are instincts, walls are walls & we continue to knock them down & get knocked down. everybody knows, but nobody really knows

“Don’t put your trust in walls
‘Cause walls will only crush you when they fall”

where did all the good people go…they were never here to begin with & never will be.

this is what blows my mind about the story that is about to unfold. i am a Borders lover, not necessarily the company but the book store in itself. i love book stores. so among the hundreds of times i have been to Borders, i always found that the moleskine journals caught my eye. yes they were by the checkout line, but still, i couldn’t get them out of my mind. as i am strolling down some street in boston, i come across a borders. one that looked like it had been compacted & stuffed between two other buildings. you could easily miss it. so i walk in, (i love that first smell), and actually headed right for the journals. i pondered over a few of them for way longer then needed, & saw that black book with the colorful stripe out of the corner of my eye. i walked straight over, grabbed a 5 x 8¼” soft cover Moleskine & checked out. since that day, my moleskine has not left my side. it comes everywhere & is starting to fill up quickly.

it is everything i want. a durable yet soft Black cover, an elastic built in for closure, a page ribbon & a manilla folder in the back. this is the best. i constantly save or find things that i hold relevancy to a certain time or place in my life. to be able to stash that, safely, in the place that it is intended to end up ….. is invaluable. there are a lot of people who stick to the original hard cover moleskine. i have not yet attempted this one & i think my stance stays at no on this one. i like being able to fold back the cover of a book, whether to read or write, but especially write. the hard cover puts a halt to this. i think i will stick with the flexible guy. 

all in all… there is new competition, iphone, the traditional black book is making a comeback.

i recently spent 4 days in new york city. its new york city, you know the drill. skyscrapers, loudness, craziness, yelling, honking, blank faces, clean & dirty places etc etc etc. but to me… the city is an architectural playground & my camera & i have a play date.  

i was on a mission, to capture my travels the way i would remember them. this is when i really love what i do for a living. i am always jealous of people who can draw, especially from memory. the light bulb came on when i realized that i too “draw”, just not with a pencil or a brush. my camera is my own personal time capsule

most of the time, i get THE shot, the first time. and the only reason i know this is because i will see something and i will think “i have to grab that shot” and i will shoot it. then i will start to think about it, and i will start taking a series of other shots because i think i need to perfect it. when in reality i already have. i will plunge into my arsenal of shots, come to find that the first shot, is usually the best one. but not always. it says a lot for initial instincts…

so about those times that i fail.. almost fail. sometimes i will see the shot,i’ll try and try and try… and nothing. light can be a pain in the butt when it knows its in demand of my precious eye. so thats it, i didn’t get the shot, oh well. and i walk away. and thats when it happens. as ive turned my back & accepted defeat, i will take one last shot & thats it. thats THE shot. so things do happen in peculiar ways. lucky for me, i have it on film.

this shot is an example of that………………………………………………………………………..

i continued my journey & ended up with most every shot i wanted… for now. the history, the architecture, the details…  will wait, for another time, another light, another shot.